Monday, June 12, 2006

Timing is everything

Recently, I read a true story of a man who, enjoying a quiet moment alone with his wife ("yichud") after their wedding ceremony, finally told her that he'd actually been in love with her for over a decade.

Pragmatic soul that she is, she responded, "What took you so long?"

Odd as this may sound, I think there's actually an answer to that question.

When I was 21, I was no prize. With benefit of 20/20 hindsight, I think I was probably strikingly immature for my age. (Was??? For years, I've harbored the opinion that immaturity is a family trait. Oy, I could tell you tales . . . but I won't.)

I was also still going through my rebelling-against-Judaism phase. It wasn't until I was a few months shy of 24 that I set foot in a synagogue service again voluntarily for the first time in several years.

My husband was, likewise, working out the details.

The story goes like this: We met in synagogue. Period. That's all there is, there ain't no more. 'Cause the truth of the matter is that we'd known each other for so long before we started dating that we have absolutely no idea when we actually met for the first time.

"What took you so long?"

The timing wasn't right.

It's not enough for two people to be in the same place at the same time: Each of you has to have something worthwhile to offer. At 21, I had nothing to offer that would have been of interest to my now-husband. It could only have happened when it happened. For a relationship to succeed, each person has to be ready for the other.

Each of us brought a newly-rediscovered love of synagogue-going to the relationship, he with his knowledge of the siddur (prayer book), me with my knowledge of home ritual. And he brought me to folk dancing at a point at which I was interested in learning it.

That's how it came to pass that we've been married 29 years as of today. Happy Anniversary, sweets.


Blogger Ezzie said...


Tue Jun 13, 01:25:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Thanks, Ezzie. I should have known that a "night owl" like you would be the first person to see this. :)

Tue Jun 13, 07:54:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Mazal Tov! Many many more...

My wife and I met each other as teenagers 5 years before we re-met again in our twenties.

The timing wasn't right, the setting wasn't right...but she did make a notation in her diary that she met me, and that was the last entry she ever wrote. We only found it after we were enagaged...(we had totally forgotten that we had met earlier).

And yes, timing is everything!

Tue Jun 13, 10:18:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Happy Anniversary! : )

Tue Jun 13, 01:06:00 PM 2006  
Blogger elf said...

That was sweet :)

DH and I went to high school together. We started dating the summer before our junior year of college. Sometimes I think that it would have been nice to have started dating a little earlier. But by that I mean a few months earlier, not in high school, or even in our freshman year of college. We were different people then. It wouldn't have made sense.

Anyway, it's nice to know that there are others with similar stories.

Happy anniversary!

Tue Jun 13, 10:31:00 PM 2006  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Irina, thanks for your good wishes. And welcome back from Israel! That was some trip, wasn't it?

Jameel and Elf, isn't it amazing how much a few years can do?

Wed Jun 14, 12:40:00 AM 2006  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Mazel Tov! Don't feel too bad. We can't all have rock star/groupie relationships.

Wed Jun 14, 05:39:00 PM 2006  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Mark/PT, I can see your wife rolling her eyes all the way from here. :)

Thu Jun 15, 01:05:00 AM 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mazal Tov. May you enjoy only simchas together!

Fri Jun 16, 02:17:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Amen! Thanks, Robert.

Fri Jun 16, 09:07:00 AM 2006  
Blogger Batya said...

Things happen when they're supposed to happen, and it's not up to us.


Tue Jun 20, 04:12:00 PM 2006  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Thanks, Batya.

Thu Jun 22, 07:28:00 AM 2006  
Blogger . said...


Wed Jul 05, 05:05:00 PM 2006  

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